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Fiction

The Red Shells

The Reds transported the Snakes of Europe to the shores of America. With their claw hands, they took £s as tax and exchanged for tea. The first snake Congress met.

“In our triangular trade of tea and mice for silver and cotton, we pay one tenth in tax to the Conch and one tenth in shipping fees to Barnacle Shipping a claw monopoly maintained by the Conch. A total of a fifth of our bounty.”

The mice holding snakes nodded in ascent. One of them spoke, “That’s one less field mouse for cotton, less one tenth the profit; and one tenth in trade for the necessary tools to cultivate the land; effects felt across all states and industries.”

“Although I find the practice of mice holding abominable, I am yoked to agreement,” a furnace dealer said: “I’ve shed not once this year for overwork.”

Meanwhile back in Britain, two crabs of the Conch court have tea. A painting from the Netherlands is hanged and various vases from the Orient are displayed.

Categories
Fiction

The Alternative Childhood History of a Salt Magnate

M lived in a log cabin. “Crash!” A tree fell through the roof. The winter was hard.

He had a small toy of a horse, made of wood, which he used to calm himself. He put it down for a second and a beaver stole it away.

As his father did repairs, he heard the gnawing echoes.

He moved to the city. One day, as it rained, he spied a girl in a yellow raincoat. Thinking of what to say, he approached her. But as the gouts of rain fell between them, a beaver dashed out of the rain. “Ach!” she screamed and ran away.

He entered the salt business which is how he made his fortune and opened an arboretum.

The mission of an arboretum is to conserve trees; as such beavers are unwelcome visitors. They are caught & released far afield.

Categories
Fiction

Chess Prison

I was sentenced to 10 years in prison for tampering with computers. The robot judge allowed me to choose where I would serve my sentence. I got to go to Chess Prison. Each cell has a computer screen where you get to play chess against a computer. The rules of the prison stated that we were allowed no communication with the outside. If you beat the computer, you got to go free. This was not a normal computer setup. The screen was built into the wall and it would always show the current position. When it was time to sleep the screen would dim. Each cell also contained a chess set. The library was only chess books. There were simul chess rules. Every prisoner was playing black against the computer that played white. We talked about our games, all of us inmates over meals. There were no rules against communication between inmates because it didn’t matter. The computer was unbeatable by humans.

There has to be an engine out there that can beat this computer. I once thought for 1 month on a move to no avail.

One of the stronger players here looks over the moves of the other players. We’ve reasoned that if all of us are playing well then statistically one of us might beat the Computer. Also, maybe, just maybe, the computer will divide its resources between all of us: if we are all playing well, it will become an overloaded queen, instead of a queen that can take all the pawns.

It’s not only chess here. There is a gym. A lot of us despite our failings take inordinate pride in our bodies. It is something that the Computer doesn’t have. We are not sure where the super computer is located on the premises. With all the brainpower we’ve dedicated to the problem, we think it is deep underground.

Inexplicably, I found a hacksaw blade lying around. When we were all asleep, a robot must have been doing something or another and it replaced the blade of its hacksaw and left the old one lying around. Thank you cosmic ray. Instead of playing chess, I’ve been wedging the blade between the wall and screen, in order to separate the screen from its holding. Maybe I’ll find something behind there.

I’ve managed to separate the screen which has fallen through the back of the wall. There is a hollow. I can look down and it is dark. There is a small space which the cables pass through from below. If I follow the cables back I’ll get to the computer. I manage to squeeze my body in. It is tight. I shimmy my way down.

Other cables bundle together. I’m a child again climbing down rope. I’ve stood upon the cluster. There was a door leading out. I must find the settings. Here they are. I set the difficulty to master level and cover-up my tampering. I climb back up. I replace the screen. My conscience is clear. Surely we will start winning now.